Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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