I'm gonna have a badass scar
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
