So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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