talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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