how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize