DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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