I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
