at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
