you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
