hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
