Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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