My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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