You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
