the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
