If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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