As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
