why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
