Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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