what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
