You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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