tell your sister to shave her snatch
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
