Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Nicole vs. Life
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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