K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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