I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
