Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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