Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
