I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
