Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Vodka?
Forever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
