Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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