I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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