wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
