So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
