I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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