i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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