so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
