I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
