I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
