Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
