I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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