I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
