I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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