You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
