Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
