she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
