Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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