I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
