i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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