Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
