The maid of honor just puked.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
