I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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