The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
