My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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