the day after is always just damage control
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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